The Fault and The Solution

Self-help sometimes needs an outside influence, here is mine.

I had friend who lost 100 pounds and successfully kept it off.

Her story is always amazing to me. When she finally decided to help herself, she attacked weight loss with a vengeance. Complete and total control and a motivation to succeed that was inspirational to everyone she met. When she was down 70 pounds, she stopped losing weight. Weeks went by and not another ounce. Her counselors were baffled. Every week they would come up with a list of suggestions, check and re-check her weekly intact. Nothing. It was not natural, she was as rigid with her diet and exercise as she had been all along. No one could figure it out.

She and only she knew why. She was an alcoholic. Neither her husband nor children not friends had a clue. She drank herself into a stupor during the day when no one else was around. Then she would pull it together, put dinner on the table and nobody was any the wiser.

So, of course, the last 30 pounds were calories from alcohol that she wasn’t figuring into the equation. Her cover was blown one day when her car broke down and she had to call her daughter for help. After the initial family shock, she agreed to go to AA. She attacked the fight against alcoholism with the same fervor that she had her weight loss. Once she beat the drinking, she lost the last 30 pounds.

And just like that, neither the weight and the drinking ever took control her life again. Even when she was dying of cancer, she never let anything break the stride of who she was and what she had accomplished.

I once asked her why it took so long to face up to what was happening. She told me, “I was an alcoholic long before I was fat. Losing weight was nothing compared to stopping drinking. Plus it was tougher to face the problem nobody saw.”

But I always think about those weeks where she wasn’t losing. What was going on in her head? Had she really convinced herself that she didn't know? That’s my guess.

And when I find myself with a problem and I'm backed into a corner, I stop my first thought, which is "how did this happen?" I force myself to review and nine time out of ten the reason as well as the answer comes to me.

It has helped to be able to point the finger at myself when there is a problem. Because if I am the fault, I can also be the solution.