The Self-Doubt of Self-Publication

The process for my blog entries takes four stages.

1. Write
2. Edit and proofing (usually done by a good friend and fellow blogger)
3. My final review
4. Posting

The note that is sent along with my entry in Step 2 reads like this: “When you can, this is ready for edit, proof, opinions.”

When it is returned to me, the note reads “Edited.” Usually.

I usually will send a quick follow up IM. “Thanks, opinions?”

And the answer always is “Very nice.”

It has taken me a while to understand very nice is good.

Yesterday I finished an entry that I thought was a great piece.
So my Step 2 IM read like this: “I have written my 'GONE WITH THE WIND,' please look it over.”

After some time, an IM popped up. “Run it by someone else.”

“Huh?”

“Maybe it's me, but I think it's one of those 'you-had-to-have-been-there' stories."

To say I was stunned would be putting it mildly. So I asked point blank: “Why”

Then my phone rang. What followed was a line-by-line dissection of the entry. Each word, image and reference was stripped bare for me to see.

I proceeded to tell him the story aloud pointing out along the way its humor.

He said “It's funny, but only because I can hear it. Coming from you. Get another opinion on the written version before you post.”

So this was the alternative to “very nice."

The call ended and I began to read it through his eyes. The first time I still thought it was great. The seventeenth time I was so sick to my stomach that I shut down my computer and went to bed.

That entry now sits in the draft section of my Blogger dashboard page. It may never be posted. I will run it by someone else. But I will never enjoy it again.

It is not my friend's doing, it is mine. The piece would have made up one entry of a growing, living work. The blog would not have ended because of a bad entry. Still this is why we write, for the feedback, to see if we informed, if we touched, if we entertained.

Or if we got it wrong.